Glad for the healing! In my high school years I remember a few women swimming for men's swim teams in the Rochester, NY area including my own team in Fairport. They were good! The first time I swam against a woman she lapped me in the 400 Free! I am still being lapped today by women in some of my swim races. I respect them all!
Wow. This is an awesome piece, Mariah! I love that your former teammates stepped up to own their shameful parts in attempting to exclude you, validate the skills that earned your place among them, and co-sign your reaction to that disgusting coach. Particularly moved by your vulnerability in the entire exchange — you made safe space for them to heal, too — and encouraged that this was possible even 50 years after the fact!
Hey Rhonda, thanks so much for letting me know that you “get” this simple story, which, yes, does describe many layers of connection. And yes, the 50-year gap is incredible to consider, and the ways each of us has grown. BTW: My conversations with this trio of micro-healers has continued. One became a girls’ basketball coach. There are so many rewards to “living out loud,” as Emil Zola put it.
Hi Mark, what a delightful story! Yes, the coach deserves credit for setting the tone. Seems the brave girls also did their part to show teenage boys how to respect female athletes. It’s so good for boys to witness exceptional female athletes like the butterflier you mentioned. You are reminding me that I also played water polo on an otherwise all men’s recreational team. The first day, I was told to wear two swimming suits. When I asked why the guys explained that sometimes one suit can get ripped off. Got it. Wore two! No suit got ripped off, fortunately, but you’re right it’s a rough sport under the water. It’s also a beautiful combination of my favorite two sports: basketball and swimming. But that’s another story for another day. For now, just want to say thanks so much for taking the time to reflect & comment.
At the Corona del Mar High School water polo team around 1969, we had a couple of girls who worked out with us off and on. I don’t know where they practiced the rest of the time. I guess I should give the coach credit that there wasn’t a question about girls being there. He just laughed when we were jerks about playing and being guarded tightly from behind by the girls. Most of the action in water polo is physical and underwater. Now, there is a girl’s team that has an Olympic coach.
For a while, we had to swim with the UCI AAU team while their pool was being fixed, so I was in a lane with Toni Hewitt, the national butterfly champion, at the time. I almost kept up sometimes. She was quiet and worked her butt off. Sometimes, when the gap is so large, there are no questions. I probably could have learned a lot more from her.
Glad for the healing! In my high school years I remember a few women swimming for men's swim teams in the Rochester, NY area including my own team in Fairport. They were good! The first time I swam against a woman she lapped me in the 400 Free! I am still being lapped today by women in some of my swim races. I respect them all!
Wow. This is an awesome piece, Mariah! I love that your former teammates stepped up to own their shameful parts in attempting to exclude you, validate the skills that earned your place among them, and co-sign your reaction to that disgusting coach. Particularly moved by your vulnerability in the entire exchange — you made safe space for them to heal, too — and encouraged that this was possible even 50 years after the fact!
Hey Rhonda, thanks so much for letting me know that you “get” this simple story, which, yes, does describe many layers of connection. And yes, the 50-year gap is incredible to consider, and the ways each of us has grown. BTW: My conversations with this trio of micro-healers has continued. One became a girls’ basketball coach. There are so many rewards to “living out loud,” as Emil Zola put it.
Hi Mark, what a delightful story! Yes, the coach deserves credit for setting the tone. Seems the brave girls also did their part to show teenage boys how to respect female athletes. It’s so good for boys to witness exceptional female athletes like the butterflier you mentioned. You are reminding me that I also played water polo on an otherwise all men’s recreational team. The first day, I was told to wear two swimming suits. When I asked why the guys explained that sometimes one suit can get ripped off. Got it. Wore two! No suit got ripped off, fortunately, but you’re right it’s a rough sport under the water. It’s also a beautiful combination of my favorite two sports: basketball and swimming. But that’s another story for another day. For now, just want to say thanks so much for taking the time to reflect & comment.
At the Corona del Mar High School water polo team around 1969, we had a couple of girls who worked out with us off and on. I don’t know where they practiced the rest of the time. I guess I should give the coach credit that there wasn’t a question about girls being there. He just laughed when we were jerks about playing and being guarded tightly from behind by the girls. Most of the action in water polo is physical and underwater. Now, there is a girl’s team that has an Olympic coach.
For a while, we had to swim with the UCI AAU team while their pool was being fixed, so I was in a lane with Toni Hewitt, the national butterfly champion, at the time. I almost kept up sometimes. She was quiet and worked her butt off. Sometimes, when the gap is so large, there are no questions. I probably could have learned a lot more from her.
https://www.latimes.com/socal/daily-pilot/news/tn-dpt-xpm-2000-10-02-export56227-story.html
https://patch.com/california/newportbeach/corona-del-mar-gets-olympic-winning-girls-water-polo-coach
https://olympics.com/en/athletes/antonia-toni-hewitt
You’re sharing the micro healing is contagious. Thank you. Aren’t we all god we’ve grown up?
Thanks, Susan! I had not anticipated that, but it's great to hear. And yes, I too feel fortunate to be a grown-up -- an elder, even. :-)