I'm very sorry to read this. My wife was subjected to this same situation where a man let himself into the women's locker room at the gym where my wife was showering and changing. He was already naked when he approached her and sat on a nearby bench. She immediately left and felt too uncomfortable to tell the staff. She confessed to me that she was worried that the staff would side with the man. I was...upset to say the least and I intended to have words with the staff and file a complaint with the police but she was very worried about being the target of a mob, so I didn't do anything besides ask her for a very good description of him for my own use in the future.
Good men stay out so bad men stand out. I'm sorry you were subjected to this, it's unacceptable.
Great column Mariah, and thank you for speaking out. I hope more people in Arlington will do the same -- especially parents. As I said on X when I retweeted this, suppose the guy wasn't already a convicted sex offender. Suppose he was just a garden variety AGP or other man claiming a woman identity but with no criminal record. Would his actions (being nude in front of women in the lockerroom, seeing them undress) have even gotten him thrown out? Doubtful. Is self-ID the case all over Va. or is this a local ordinance? If the latter, perhaps it can be repealed, if enough people complain and threaten a lawsuit. The key is to make allowing men into women's spaces *more of a liability, more of a headache, more worthy of scorn* than disallowing them.
Hi "Me," thanks. It's a local (Arlington County and Schools) policy that contradicts the governor's model policy, which defines sex as male or female. More importantly, it now contradicts federal policy, since Title IX has been restored to its original intent, which means it defines sex discrimination in terms of male and female, not gender identity, and no local laws can supercede federal law, as my friend Bev Talbott explains clearly in this testimony she gave to the California Interscholastic Federation, which governs athletics:https://x.com/i/bookmarks?post_id=1885345470010032596
How does gender identity factor into this at all? A _SEX OFFENDER_ was able to get into the school.
In your mind would it be okay if an assigned female at birth sex offender did this, or would it have been okay if this person went into the boy's locker room and did this?
I think your transphobic views might be warping your perspective on the issue at hand. Otherwise, I think you found a very specific case to peddle your garbage narratives.
Not to mention art's supposed virtue is faux. He's not virtuous, just blinkered and unthinking.
"art" is like so many other fundamentalists of whatever stripe, in that he won't accept logic or reason -- he just closes his eyes, puts his hands over his ears, shakes his head, and stamps his feet. And expects the rest of us to bow down to him.
According to the FBI, males are responsible for 97% of all murder and non-negligent manslaughter, 97% of rapes, 96% of pedophilia cases. So no, we really don't have to worry about women (whom you call assigned females at birth) doing this. And yes, men assault men too, but that's beyond the scope of this discussion.
The problem is not even the sex offender. Such people exist; no one wants them to have access to schools.
The problem is the policy that allows males into women's intimate spaces. That's how this one got in. That's how other males are being invited in. That's the policy. ANY male can say the magic words "I'm trans" and strip naked in front of girls and women. I don't know of any women who want to undress, or allow their daughters to undress, in front of males. Of any gender identity. We should not have to worry about that. A simple, old-fashioned policy - the women's room is female only - would suffice.
The Arlington policy ignores Governor Youngkin's model policy: restrooms and locker rooms and sports based on sex, not gender. Arlington thinks it knows better - but is just protecting males. For now. Will keep after them to "remember the ladies," as Abigail Adams put it.
My husband actually went to elementary school with this person and he has occasionally contacted my husband since then. He describes him as a genius and a manipulative psychopath. So not a surprise that people like him take advantage of situations where they can victimize others. Hopefully this latest incident will keep him in jail for a while.
Interesting. You two may already know everything you want to know about Richard Cox, but here's his justification for his actions from his successful motion to dismiss charged after an indecent exposure incident at Planet Fitness last June:
“Gymnasiums have been places of social nudity dating back as far as the ancient Romans and Greeks. In fact, nudity among the ancients was not always segregated by gender either. It was not uncommon for a male to be naked around women or a female to be naked around men. But unless the event was something like an orgy, it was considered nothing but platonic to have this social nudity.
At least in gymnasiums, this practice has continued to this day. And while Americans, at least into the twentieth century, have segregated our locker rooms by gender, in the twenty-first century America and the States have welcomed the presence of people known as transgender (such as myself) into society, and its locker rooms.
Transgender people identify as belonging to a gender which may not conform to the sex they were assigned at birth. For a transgender person to be observed in a locker room nude is no proof that this also was anything more than platonic. The offense of indecent exposure is even more of a burden to prove. For an action to be indecent exposure, the Complainant / Prosecution would have to prove not only that it was something more than platonic, but also that it was indecent.
Nudity alone is not indecent, or we could not have public locker rooms at all. And the question of whether it is indecent for a transgender person to be nude in the locker room that they identify with has also been answered by our courts, our legislatures, and public opinion, and the answer is, No. So whatever it is that my accuser calls "indecent," other than the anti-trans discrimination that she harbors in her own mind, it has not been and cannot be proven to the court. Nothing on the record suggests this case would even pass the evidentiary requirements of discovery.
Why is the Magistrate spending taxpayer dollars writing a summons for this, or why is the Commonwealth’s Attorney, prosecuting it, when the laws of the United States, of the Commonwealth of Virginia and Fairfax County are on my side? What I did was not illegal and I should not be harassed by this."
It’s very easy for a man to say that nudity is harmless. Nudity for women is not harmless. Men harm women a lot. 99% of sexual crimes are committed by men, and if you want to increase the number of those crimes you will allow men access to women when they are vulnerable, for example in a state of undress, drugged, or asleep. In order to reduce crimes of this nature - crimes which are committed almost exclusively by men and most often upon women - women are given spaces where all men are prohibited, like changing rooms, toilets, hospital wards and so forth. To have sex segregated spaces is not a case of prudery, it is a case of safety.
Women in particular are very sensitive to the presence of males. Transgender males may believe they pass because they have long hair and wear a dress but it doesn’t fool women because our safety depends on knowing the difference. Seeing naked men causes a big anxiety response in women because we know that we are then in danger. To say we are not in danger is gas lighting - a favourite weapon of abusers - because a naked man, especially in a space designated for our vulnerability, is a sign of danger.
If we consent to male nudity, then ok, obviously there are cases when male nudity is not a danger, as in a case of consenting sex for example. But when women use a single sex space they are not consenting. In a single sex space we have been promised safety away from males when we are undressed. To allow men in under any pretext is a violation of that contract, and a violation that creates danger for women. To then accuse women of socially unacceptable behaviour when we object is gaslighting by the authorities, who have deliberately violated the social contract.
Presumably because the violation is against women they think they will get away with it. It’s up to all of us not to let them.
Perhaps I should not have elevated the convicted sex abuser's self-justified rationalization for serious consideration. But it does show how some men explain this to themselves. What's striking to me is the narcissism. Not one thought given to women's experiences or preferences. And it worked! Or something did. Those particular charges, to his exposing himself at Planet Fitness, were dropped.
"Transgender males may believe they pass because they have long hair and wear a dress but it doesn’t fool women because our safety depends on knowing the difference. Seeing naked men causes a big anxiety response in women because we know that we are then in danger. To say we are not in danger is gas lighting - a favourite weapon of abusers - because a naked man, especially in a space designated for our vulnerability, is a sign of danger." - love this comment. Thanks, Grace Under Fire
Its not a Victorian or prudish concept of “indecency” that’s the worry. It’s the leering eyes of creepy straight men who are non-trans and faux-trans and also yes men who identify as trans (I will not say “trans women are women!) who are attracted to women. Sadly the bad behavior of what seems to be the large majority of men around women is a fact and that’s why we don’t want ANY biological males (what the world men means), especially strangers, around us when we are nude or otherwise vulnerable. As a group, men can not be trusted when women are thinking about safety. That’s just a fact. No “not all men” but it truly seems like most men.
This might not work for everyone but the hearty peal of women's laughter takes the piss out of any dude looking for a thrill. Just laugh and laugh at them then snap a towel against their butt, they'll slink right on outta there!
I, too, am open mouth shocked by the school's response to a registered sex offender using their obvious "I'm trans" loophole to invade women's spaces—they post a note to women to cover up! In the shower! Unbelievable!
Yes, as if male desire to go wherever they please is yet another male privilege we all must accommodate, and as if male sexual aggression is an acceptable social norm that women must try to avoid at best, even via absurd "solutions" such as creating barricades made only of towels.
Excellent follow-on piece a perfect one-two gut punch. Has I been in the audience you would have heard “thank god” when you said you were Lesbian - sometimes I have the unnerving feeling that only Lesbians and Gay men are still aware of the “men-ness” and “woman-ness” of human bodies.
I could give you a “War and Peace” length observation of male gym etiquette globally, I’ve probably been to more than 100 men’s locker rooms (I traveled no they globally for almost two decades) and the range of behaviors is quite amusing.
I call what you describe “Kabuki Towel Dance” gym behavior where you must somehow undress/dress shower/dry under a wrapping of towel. The last year I was in Houston, some men would put a towel around their waist, completely undress, shower (with a towel), dry, and put on street clothes without budging the waist-towel.
It’s so easy to write “We commit to providing safe places exclusively for women for changing and socializing after healthy exercise.”
I enjoy exclusive spaces - places which exclude people with phones, loudspeakers, people who are drunk, or high, people who find bare-chested men offensive… The concept that exclusion is always a bad thing is bizarre.
"It’s so easy to write “We commit to providing safe places exclusively for women for changing and socializing after healthy exercise.”" -- love this comment too, Sufeitzy.
In the past "Women's Locker Room" was sufficient, but nowadays that longer explanation near the door would be so welcome and clear!
"Had I been in the audience you would have heard “thank god” when you said you were Lesbian." :-) And that would have been lovely!
As it was, I think it did work to disarm the trans activists. You know how sometimes you can feel human reactions that you can't even see? My back was to the group as I addressed the Board, but I felt their intake of breath when I said that. It seemed to silence them - at least long enough to hear the rest of what I said.
It is brave to speak at public meetings where most of the audience is against you. At least they seem to have learned attacking women is not a good look for their cause. I am glad you were safe and thank you for putting yourself out there.
Not everyone can take public risks like this. I'm glad I have the emotional fortitude and financial/career security to participate in this way. We all do what we can.
And yes, it was scary, and I appreciate the support.
Great comments, why do we have to do this, over and over again?
Yes, Mariah....Quoting you:
“I’m transgender” has become the new “Open Sesame,” a magic phrase that grants men access to women’s intimate spaces."
I'm very sorry to read this. My wife was subjected to this same situation where a man let himself into the women's locker room at the gym where my wife was showering and changing. He was already naked when he approached her and sat on a nearby bench. She immediately left and felt too uncomfortable to tell the staff. She confessed to me that she was worried that the staff would side with the man. I was...upset to say the least and I intended to have words with the staff and file a complaint with the police but she was very worried about being the target of a mob, so I didn't do anything besides ask her for a very good description of him for my own use in the future.
Good men stay out so bad men stand out. I'm sorry you were subjected to this, it's unacceptable.
Yes & good men support, listen to, & trust women. And educate other men, women, children, whoever will listen. Thanks for doing your part.
Excellent, Mariah. Thanks so much for all you do. <3
Great column Mariah, and thank you for speaking out. I hope more people in Arlington will do the same -- especially parents. As I said on X when I retweeted this, suppose the guy wasn't already a convicted sex offender. Suppose he was just a garden variety AGP or other man claiming a woman identity but with no criminal record. Would his actions (being nude in front of women in the lockerroom, seeing them undress) have even gotten him thrown out? Doubtful. Is self-ID the case all over Va. or is this a local ordinance? If the latter, perhaps it can be repealed, if enough people complain and threaten a lawsuit. The key is to make allowing men into women's spaces *more of a liability, more of a headache, more worthy of scorn* than disallowing them.
Hi "Me," thanks. It's a local (Arlington County and Schools) policy that contradicts the governor's model policy, which defines sex as male or female. More importantly, it now contradicts federal policy, since Title IX has been restored to its original intent, which means it defines sex discrimination in terms of male and female, not gender identity, and no local laws can supercede federal law, as my friend Bev Talbott explains clearly in this testimony she gave to the California Interscholastic Federation, which governs athletics:https://x.com/i/bookmarks?post_id=1885345470010032596
Omg.
You have such courage. Thankyou for speaking up.
Thank you, Anne!
How does gender identity factor into this at all? A _SEX OFFENDER_ was able to get into the school.
In your mind would it be okay if an assigned female at birth sex offender did this, or would it have been okay if this person went into the boy's locker room and did this?
I think your transphobic views might be warping your perspective on the issue at hand. Otherwise, I think you found a very specific case to peddle your garbage narratives.
So you're all for putting women and girls in danger so you can virtue signal. That ludicrous crap doesn't work. You are fooling NO
ONE. Everyone knows that men can never be women. Facts don't care about the erections of incels and autogynophiles like yourself.
Not to mention art's supposed virtue is faux. He's not virtuous, just blinkered and unthinking.
"art" is like so many other fundamentalists of whatever stripe, in that he won't accept logic or reason -- he just closes his eyes, puts his hands over his ears, shakes his head, and stamps his feet. And expects the rest of us to bow down to him.
Well, we won't.
According to the FBI, males are responsible for 97% of all murder and non-negligent manslaughter, 97% of rapes, 96% of pedophilia cases. So no, we really don't have to worry about women (whom you call assigned females at birth) doing this. And yes, men assault men too, but that's beyond the scope of this discussion.
The problem is not even the sex offender. Such people exist; no one wants them to have access to schools.
The problem is the policy that allows males into women's intimate spaces. That's how this one got in. That's how other males are being invited in. That's the policy. ANY male can say the magic words "I'm trans" and strip naked in front of girls and women. I don't know of any women who want to undress, or allow their daughters to undress, in front of males. Of any gender identity. We should not have to worry about that. A simple, old-fashioned policy - the women's room is female only - would suffice.
Thank you for this excellent and informative piece! And thanks for your substack! I am going to follow up on this in any way that I can!
Terrific. Thank you, Margot.
Yes and as I am a Virginian as well, it all gets to me on a very personal level! Maddening!
Exactly - they have ignored the recommendations. Of course having the “Virginia Values Act” in place does not help our cause!
The Arlington policy ignores Governor Youngkin's model policy: restrooms and locker rooms and sports based on sex, not gender. Arlington thinks it knows better - but is just protecting males. For now. Will keep after them to "remember the ladies," as Abigail Adams put it.
My husband actually went to elementary school with this person and he has occasionally contacted my husband since then. He describes him as a genius and a manipulative psychopath. So not a surprise that people like him take advantage of situations where they can victimize others. Hopefully this latest incident will keep him in jail for a while.
Interesting. You two may already know everything you want to know about Richard Cox, but here's his justification for his actions from his successful motion to dismiss charged after an indecent exposure incident at Planet Fitness last June:
“Gymnasiums have been places of social nudity dating back as far as the ancient Romans and Greeks. In fact, nudity among the ancients was not always segregated by gender either. It was not uncommon for a male to be naked around women or a female to be naked around men. But unless the event was something like an orgy, it was considered nothing but platonic to have this social nudity.
At least in gymnasiums, this practice has continued to this day. And while Americans, at least into the twentieth century, have segregated our locker rooms by gender, in the twenty-first century America and the States have welcomed the presence of people known as transgender (such as myself) into society, and its locker rooms.
Transgender people identify as belonging to a gender which may not conform to the sex they were assigned at birth. For a transgender person to be observed in a locker room nude is no proof that this also was anything more than platonic. The offense of indecent exposure is even more of a burden to prove. For an action to be indecent exposure, the Complainant / Prosecution would have to prove not only that it was something more than platonic, but also that it was indecent.
Nudity alone is not indecent, or we could not have public locker rooms at all. And the question of whether it is indecent for a transgender person to be nude in the locker room that they identify with has also been answered by our courts, our legislatures, and public opinion, and the answer is, No. So whatever it is that my accuser calls "indecent," other than the anti-trans discrimination that she harbors in her own mind, it has not been and cannot be proven to the court. Nothing on the record suggests this case would even pass the evidentiary requirements of discovery.
Why is the Magistrate spending taxpayer dollars writing a summons for this, or why is the Commonwealth’s Attorney, prosecuting it, when the laws of the United States, of the Commonwealth of Virginia and Fairfax County are on my side? What I did was not illegal and I should not be harassed by this."
https://wjla.com/news/local/virginia-arlington-county-public-schools-aps-washington-liberty-high-school-sex-offender-richard-kenneth-transgender-exposes-himself-girls-locker-room-prosecution-fairfax
What a despicable POS.
It’s very easy for a man to say that nudity is harmless. Nudity for women is not harmless. Men harm women a lot. 99% of sexual crimes are committed by men, and if you want to increase the number of those crimes you will allow men access to women when they are vulnerable, for example in a state of undress, drugged, or asleep. In order to reduce crimes of this nature - crimes which are committed almost exclusively by men and most often upon women - women are given spaces where all men are prohibited, like changing rooms, toilets, hospital wards and so forth. To have sex segregated spaces is not a case of prudery, it is a case of safety.
Women in particular are very sensitive to the presence of males. Transgender males may believe they pass because they have long hair and wear a dress but it doesn’t fool women because our safety depends on knowing the difference. Seeing naked men causes a big anxiety response in women because we know that we are then in danger. To say we are not in danger is gas lighting - a favourite weapon of abusers - because a naked man, especially in a space designated for our vulnerability, is a sign of danger.
If we consent to male nudity, then ok, obviously there are cases when male nudity is not a danger, as in a case of consenting sex for example. But when women use a single sex space they are not consenting. In a single sex space we have been promised safety away from males when we are undressed. To allow men in under any pretext is a violation of that contract, and a violation that creates danger for women. To then accuse women of socially unacceptable behaviour when we object is gaslighting by the authorities, who have deliberately violated the social contract.
Presumably because the violation is against women they think they will get away with it. It’s up to all of us not to let them.
Perhaps I should not have elevated the convicted sex abuser's self-justified rationalization for serious consideration. But it does show how some men explain this to themselves. What's striking to me is the narcissism. Not one thought given to women's experiences or preferences. And it worked! Or something did. Those particular charges, to his exposing himself at Planet Fitness, were dropped.
"Transgender males may believe they pass because they have long hair and wear a dress but it doesn’t fool women because our safety depends on knowing the difference. Seeing naked men causes a big anxiety response in women because we know that we are then in danger. To say we are not in danger is gas lighting - a favourite weapon of abusers - because a naked man, especially in a space designated for our vulnerability, is a sign of danger." - love this comment. Thanks, Grace Under Fire
Its not a Victorian or prudish concept of “indecency” that’s the worry. It’s the leering eyes of creepy straight men who are non-trans and faux-trans and also yes men who identify as trans (I will not say “trans women are women!) who are attracted to women. Sadly the bad behavior of what seems to be the large majority of men around women is a fact and that’s why we don’t want ANY biological males (what the world men means), especially strangers, around us when we are nude or otherwise vulnerable. As a group, men can not be trusted when women are thinking about safety. That’s just a fact. No “not all men” but it truly seems like most men.
This might not work for everyone but the hearty peal of women's laughter takes the piss out of any dude looking for a thrill. Just laugh and laugh at them then snap a towel against their butt, they'll slink right on outta there!
I, too, am open mouth shocked by the school's response to a registered sex offender using their obvious "I'm trans" loophole to invade women's spaces—they post a note to women to cover up! In the shower! Unbelievable!
Yes, as if male desire to go wherever they please is yet another male privilege we all must accommodate, and as if male sexual aggression is an acceptable social norm that women must try to avoid at best, even via absurd "solutions" such as creating barricades made only of towels.
I can’t state my horror enough.
Telling future sex offenders to 'be mindful of modesty' should definitely work!
Jesus wept
Ha. Right???
I am proud of you.
😀 Very kind. I’m proud of all of us who are standing up for girls & women.
Excellent follow-on piece a perfect one-two gut punch. Has I been in the audience you would have heard “thank god” when you said you were Lesbian - sometimes I have the unnerving feeling that only Lesbians and Gay men are still aware of the “men-ness” and “woman-ness” of human bodies.
I could give you a “War and Peace” length observation of male gym etiquette globally, I’ve probably been to more than 100 men’s locker rooms (I traveled no they globally for almost two decades) and the range of behaviors is quite amusing.
I call what you describe “Kabuki Towel Dance” gym behavior where you must somehow undress/dress shower/dry under a wrapping of towel. The last year I was in Houston, some men would put a towel around their waist, completely undress, shower (with a towel), dry, and put on street clothes without budging the waist-towel.
It’s so easy to write “We commit to providing safe places exclusively for women for changing and socializing after healthy exercise.”
I enjoy exclusive spaces - places which exclude people with phones, loudspeakers, people who are drunk, or high, people who find bare-chested men offensive… The concept that exclusion is always a bad thing is bizarre.
Thanks again for speaking. And writing.
"It’s so easy to write “We commit to providing safe places exclusively for women for changing and socializing after healthy exercise.”" -- love this comment too, Sufeitzy.
In the past "Women's Locker Room" was sufficient, but nowadays that longer explanation near the door would be so welcome and clear!
"Had I been in the audience you would have heard “thank god” when you said you were Lesbian." :-) And that would have been lovely!
As it was, I think it did work to disarm the trans activists. You know how sometimes you can feel human reactions that you can't even see? My back was to the group as I addressed the Board, but I felt their intake of breath when I said that. It seemed to silence them - at least long enough to hear the rest of what I said.
It is brave to speak at public meetings where most of the audience is against you. At least they seem to have learned attacking women is not a good look for their cause. I am glad you were safe and thank you for putting yourself out there.
Not everyone can take public risks like this. I'm glad I have the emotional fortitude and financial/career security to participate in this way. We all do what we can.
And yes, it was scary, and I appreciate the support.