Thanks for these insights Mariah. It’s fascinating isn’t it - no one seems to have any problems talking about penises or testicles, dicks and balls. And I suspect it’s no coincidence that the most hateful insult you can hurl at anyone, no matter which sex they belong to, is the Anglo-Saxon word for vagina - that is “a cunt”.
I'm not so sure that Frank was reacting that way because of your reference to periods etc. I think it's just as likely that he knows that referring to the Algerian boxer as male is an extremely controversial thing to say that would get you labeled as transphobic in most universities (to be clear, I don't agree with this pov) and so he doesn't know how to respond to that.
Good point. I’ve seen that frozen response in others for the reason you suspect here. It’s a terrifying subject. The consequences of even questioning gender ideology can be extreme.
Ha, yes, I'll bet. The word clitoris was not included in medical texts until fairly recently. I remember that it was absent from my high school Anatomy and Physiology textbook altogether too. Even the drawings. Nope! Does not exist! What a failure of education. A taboo word - so awful it cannot even be mentioned - but the one organ designed exclusively for pleasure.
Speaking from the perspective of a gay man, personally nothing about women is a bad word and I don’t know why it would be except that boys are not taught female anatomy or biology adequately.
[a commercial just flashed on nightly news about leaky vs leaky menstrual pads, oh how commercial TV has evolved]
The thing which was most surprising to me was the naked misogyny of seeming to punish women having discussions which aren’t oriented exclusively to male characteristics in their sport. Sorry to be convoluted:
The coach and players were punished for asking something which men wouldn’t.
True that boys are not taught about female anatomy and physiology. They also need to be taught to respect girls and women. Female body parts and functions, along with related obscene words, are weaponized by boys to shame, intimidate, and dominate girls, which girls tend to internalize, as if something is wrong with us. As a gay man, you may have been less likely to participate in that sort of early sexual harassment, but many boys and men do.
And yes, Kim Russell's being forced out of Oberlin because she was offering female-related information to her female students, and referring to them by female terms... all of that is shocking indeed.
But it's unrelated to what happens on men's teams, because men are not or should not be the standard or default, as Alysia mentions. It's about how women lead girls to learn about and develop skills related to their own bodies -- or cannot, when that gets shut down.
and I just looked up uterus and diaphragmatic breathing: Diaphragmatic breathing, also known as belly breathing, directly impacts the pelvic floor muscles, including those supporting the uterus and ovaries, by coordinating their movement with the diaphragm's contraction and relaxation during inhalation and exhalation, essentially allowing for better pelvic organ support.
Hi Jane, So glad to hear that Alysia was awarded the Olympic medal she deserved. Love the photo in the Runner's World link, too - fun to contrast with her 8-months-pregnant drawing.
As for diaphragmatic breathing, thanks for sharing your research! Exactly what women need to do: educate each other about how our bodies function, and can optimally function. I'm practicing right now. :-)
I think men candidly are uncomfortable about women's physiology based on a West Point example from when I was a cadet. I was selected to be a cadet leader of the initial training for about 200 new cadets affectionately called beast barracks. I required the other cadet leaders in my organization to be familiar with how uniquely women's garments should be folded like bras for inspection, etc. Having a room that follows the guide is required. This did make some male folks uncomfortable, but I am glad they could start to deal with their discomfort before they were leading the new cadets. I also made sure that there were feminine hygiene products available like tampons, sanitary napkins, etc. as the culture shock of new cadet training is dramatic. I think I had a couple women cadets in my organization too which helped. The women were fully integrated throughout the organization - not in women only groups, etc.
I hope at some point this will not be a big deal but clearly we have a ways to go.
Hey Bruce, thank you - and I love the image of a man training a group of cadets how to properly fold bras. Without snickering. Just one of those those things one must learn to do in Army training.
You and other men like you are exactly who we need to conduct such trainings: the sort of man who is also ensuring that women have the tampons and pads they need. So glad you were there for those women. Male leadership in action!
Not exactly how male leadership is defined in the broader culture -- and especially not what we think of when we think of West Point -- but the kind we need because men tend to listen to and respect other men in a way that, unfortunately, they don't listen to and respect women. You taught them about so much more than underwear.
I'm choosing to believe that those bra-folding young men followed in your footsteps and become advocates for women's rights. Thanks so much for this story.
Great article. We can't fully explain why an effeminate man is not a woman unless people understand biology. You nailed it Mariah.
Oops, that's another one of those childish boy words that adult men use to describe sex...
While we're at it, let's teach our sons to not use violent words when describing sex with women. The expression “I'd hit that” spoken by an actor in a movie or a kid in high school should be enough to cause every parent or teacher to launch into a feminist discussion about respect and how misogyny hurts both men and women.
Thank you, Sally, and OMG yes. I've heard or overheard conversations among men and teenage boys involving such language ("Did you bang her?" and more - I almost hate to list more examples) and I do a double-take. What??? And yes, let's hope for, and initiate, those discussions about respect and misogyny and what love-making between equals is or could be.
So interesting and insightful. While not directly relevant to discussions by and about women athletes, your comments remind me of the times my father referred to menstruation as, "women's problems."
More recently, while talking about his wife a man told me she was having a "problem down south." (I'm not making this up). I wondered if she was in Richmond. lol
Hahaha. Richmond. Our very old neighbor used to tell K and me about her soreness “down there.” We still laugh about it, but so sad that we live long lives unable to speak clearly, even privately with each other.
And girls and boys need to learn the word vulva. Usually all they learn is vagina, which is often not the correct term for that part of the body.
Thanks for these insights Mariah. It’s fascinating isn’t it - no one seems to have any problems talking about penises or testicles, dicks and balls. And I suspect it’s no coincidence that the most hateful insult you can hurl at anyone, no matter which sex they belong to, is the Anglo-Saxon word for vagina - that is “a cunt”.
Yes -- along with the N-word, the C-word is about as brutal as words get, and reveals so much about the speaker's feelings and views.
I'm not so sure that Frank was reacting that way because of your reference to periods etc. I think it's just as likely that he knows that referring to the Algerian boxer as male is an extremely controversial thing to say that would get you labeled as transphobic in most universities (to be clear, I don't agree with this pov) and so he doesn't know how to respond to that.
Good point. I’ve seen that frozen response in others for the reason you suspect here. It’s a terrifying subject. The consequences of even questioning gender ideology can be extreme.
Say the word “clitoris” in a room full of medical professionals and watch them squirm (especially the men).
Ha, yes, I'll bet. The word clitoris was not included in medical texts until fairly recently. I remember that it was absent from my high school Anatomy and Physiology textbook altogether too. Even the drawings. Nope! Does not exist! What a failure of education. A taboo word - so awful it cannot even be mentioned - but the one organ designed exclusively for pleasure.
This is incredibly powerful. Thank you.
Ooh, thanks so much, Shreya.
Thanks, Haleigh!
Speaking from the perspective of a gay man, personally nothing about women is a bad word and I don’t know why it would be except that boys are not taught female anatomy or biology adequately.
[a commercial just flashed on nightly news about leaky vs leaky menstrual pads, oh how commercial TV has evolved]
The thing which was most surprising to me was the naked misogyny of seeming to punish women having discussions which aren’t oriented exclusively to male characteristics in their sport. Sorry to be convoluted:
The coach and players were punished for asking something which men wouldn’t.
So banal, so casual.
True that boys are not taught about female anatomy and physiology. They also need to be taught to respect girls and women. Female body parts and functions, along with related obscene words, are weaponized by boys to shame, intimidate, and dominate girls, which girls tend to internalize, as if something is wrong with us. As a gay man, you may have been less likely to participate in that sort of early sexual harassment, but many boys and men do.
And yes, Kim Russell's being forced out of Oberlin because she was offering female-related information to her female students, and referring to them by female terms... all of that is shocking indeed.
But it's unrelated to what happens on men's teams, because men are not or should not be the standard or default, as Alysia mentions. It's about how women lead girls to learn about and develop skills related to their own bodies -- or cannot, when that gets shut down.
Gays and lesbians children are in a catch-22 of sorts.
Children don’t understand sex beyond mechanics of reproduction (if that).
Gays and Lesbians are antagonized for seemingly not playing a role in what children barely understand.
By the time they’ve developed defenses against the antagonism, young adults tend to ignore gays and lesbians altogether.
I think girls being in an all-girls school may be quite a relief until adolescence, to avoid natural male antagonism.
Bravo!!
Thanks, Martha.
Well said and thank you, Mariah, for making space for these ideas to grow. Alysia's finish in the 2012 Olympics was recently upgraded to a bronze medal: https://www.runnersworld.com/news/a60815722/alysia-montano-medal-upgrade/
and I just looked up uterus and diaphragmatic breathing: Diaphragmatic breathing, also known as belly breathing, directly impacts the pelvic floor muscles, including those supporting the uterus and ovaries, by coordinating their movement with the diaphragm's contraction and relaxation during inhalation and exhalation, essentially allowing for better pelvic organ support.
Hi Jane, So glad to hear that Alysia was awarded the Olympic medal she deserved. Love the photo in the Runner's World link, too - fun to contrast with her 8-months-pregnant drawing.
As for diaphragmatic breathing, thanks for sharing your research! Exactly what women need to do: educate each other about how our bodies function, and can optimally function. I'm practicing right now. :-)
Great Article!
I think men candidly are uncomfortable about women's physiology based on a West Point example from when I was a cadet. I was selected to be a cadet leader of the initial training for about 200 new cadets affectionately called beast barracks. I required the other cadet leaders in my organization to be familiar with how uniquely women's garments should be folded like bras for inspection, etc. Having a room that follows the guide is required. This did make some male folks uncomfortable, but I am glad they could start to deal with their discomfort before they were leading the new cadets. I also made sure that there were feminine hygiene products available like tampons, sanitary napkins, etc. as the culture shock of new cadet training is dramatic. I think I had a couple women cadets in my organization too which helped. The women were fully integrated throughout the organization - not in women only groups, etc.
I hope at some point this will not be a big deal but clearly we have a ways to go.
Hey Bruce, thank you - and I love the image of a man training a group of cadets how to properly fold bras. Without snickering. Just one of those those things one must learn to do in Army training.
You and other men like you are exactly who we need to conduct such trainings: the sort of man who is also ensuring that women have the tampons and pads they need. So glad you were there for those women. Male leadership in action!
Not exactly how male leadership is defined in the broader culture -- and especially not what we think of when we think of West Point -- but the kind we need because men tend to listen to and respect other men in a way that, unfortunately, they don't listen to and respect women. You taught them about so much more than underwear.
I'm choosing to believe that those bra-folding young men followed in your footsteps and become advocates for women's rights. Thanks so much for this story.
Great article. We can't fully explain why an effeminate man is not a woman unless people understand biology. You nailed it Mariah.
Oops, that's another one of those childish boy words that adult men use to describe sex...
While we're at it, let's teach our sons to not use violent words when describing sex with women. The expression “I'd hit that” spoken by an actor in a movie or a kid in high school should be enough to cause every parent or teacher to launch into a feminist discussion about respect and how misogyny hurts both men and women.
Thank you, Sally, and OMG yes. I've heard or overheard conversations among men and teenage boys involving such language ("Did you bang her?" and more - I almost hate to list more examples) and I do a double-take. What??? And yes, let's hope for, and initiate, those discussions about respect and misogyny and what love-making between equals is or could be.
So interesting and insightful. While not directly relevant to discussions by and about women athletes, your comments remind me of the times my father referred to menstruation as, "women's problems."
More recently, while talking about his wife a man told me she was having a "problem down south." (I'm not making this up). I wondered if she was in Richmond. lol
Hahaha. Richmond. Our very old neighbor used to tell K and me about her soreness “down there.” We still laugh about it, but so sad that we live long lives unable to speak clearly, even privately with each other.
And girls and boys need to learn the word vulva. Usually all they learn is vagina, which is often not the correct term for that part of the body.
I love the way you ended this piece Mariah. Perfect. 👌. Period.
😀💜😀 Thanks Debra!