I found out that showing vulnerability not only makes me stronger but it also helps me be stronger. People love leaders and other people in general who are less then perfect.
So good to hear you were not seriously hurt Mariah 🙏🏻 Met with Charlie Moody & George McGregor recently & they asked me to pass on all the best to you. They said you all had a good intramural basketball team back in the day 😊
Hi Brad! Cool. Ask Charlie about our public (HS) debate about whether to change the name of the HS varsity athletes' club from Lettermen's Club to Varsity Club. He argued for tradition. (Lettermen's Club.) I argued for the more inclusive word: Varsity. He argued that "men" includes women, according to the dictionary. I said Who cares about the dictionary, Varsity is going to feel more inclusive to us girls. A friendly, respectful debate - I've always liked Charlie - but I lost! "Of course," there were more male athletes, so the votes were stacked. :-) My regards back to my teammates. Sorry to miss our reunion! :-)
I love women’s basketball and track and field. I’m no giraffe but a former competitive runner. In my late 30s I could run 50 miles, bike 100 but was still vulnerable. I’m 5’ 0” and 77 yo. Now I walk and swim, lift weights, a bit of yoga. I have participated in the live strong program for cancer folks at the Y. Being strong got me through divorce, quitting smoking, raising my babies alone, all the times when I was the most vulnerable. I have always worked to stay strong mentally and physically because I know I am vulnerable. And it’s ok to be vulnerable, it’s where my humanity and empathy reside. Being an endurance athlete taught me I can do difficult things.
Hi Betty, I love this story. You're combining the two concepts, rather than seeing them as separate. We need strength b/c we are vulnerable. "And it’s ok to be vulnerable, it’s where my humanity and empathy reside." Lovely! And kudos on creating a lifelong athletic lifestyle despite the lack of support for female athletes for women your/our age.
Okay, Mariah, you had me at “giraffes women” - I truly related to this essay as I feel like I am a strong women with many vulnerabilities (and life keeps showing them to me!). I think our vulnerability makes us, as humans, more understanding and hopefully more compassionate even when that same vulnerability makes me mad. My body continually challenges, even as I replace/repair parts, or add bionics (you’d think I was Wonder Woman with all the bionics and metal). And yet I still walk like a dork even though my physical therapist tells me that is not a technical term - it certainly fits me. As long as I can put one foot in front of the other, I’m good. That’s my compassion for me. Keep on writing and I’ll keep on reading. Hugs to you and K.
Hi Cathy, You always make me smile. Hooray for giraffes and women who resemble them and women for whom they are totems. Yes, "life keeps showing them to me..." indeed - precisely why we ought to start accepting and sharing vulnerabilities now, seems to me. They just keep coming. Glad you've got self-compassion. So much extends outward from there. So glad you're a reader. Hugs back from both of us.
Wow. This post really hit home for me. As I approach my 80th birthday, I have to admit that I am not just aging, but old. Admitting that I'm vulnerable is even harder. Expressing it out loud—harder still. Maybe strength and vulnerability are not antagonists. Maybe it takes strength to admit we are vulnerable.
Hi Judy, yes, I think that's it. Maybe we high achievers can call upon our strengths to address our needs, fears, and yes, vulnerabilities.
Another complication is that we get so much positive reinforcement for defying expectations: "You seem so strong/fit/youthful for your age" - type comments. People are less enthusiastic about requests for help - not that they're not willing to.
Just brainstorming here: maybe we need to celebrate admissions of vulnerability too.
I'll start: Thank you for saying all of this. :-)
And happy early 80th. I think claiming our age, not being coy about it, is another step in the right direction. And claiming the word old. It doesn't mean what it used to mean. But it means something, to each of us. Exactly what, I think, is up to us. Just like women have redefined and are still redefining what it means to be a woman.
I've been loathe to admit any vulnerability with my friends and colleagues unless I can pair it with my triumph and problem solving to such an experience of a vulnerable moment. Per your example I've just begun to admit I have not lived up to my own standards of producing regular stories here on Substack. This has, indeed, created a more relational dimension with my readers.
I feel we must be strong given the topic we have taken on of pointing out that women are vulnerable when faced with playing male athletes and all the other situations my sex-realist groups protest. We must be strong because we are doing this for our own sex, having been abandoned by the larger society refusing to protect our right to free speech in the face of misogynistic men who have discovered a socially sanctioned arena where women can be shouted down and publicly abused and humiliated for speaking up.
The irony is that, given the topic of male physical reality, we are faced with having to explain it as though society wasn't aware of this problem and have literally taken leave of their senses. Just to stand up to such gaslighting demands an emotional strength that we, as sixty-something elders, have in spades just from having lived through enough of such bullying from the before times of second wave feminism, and we still have it in us to fight this fight.
Hi Amanda, Oh yes, I too find it easier to tell tales of vulnerability in the past tense! "Paired with my triumph and problem solving." How insightful. Perhaps those only grant us partial credit on the vulnerability scorecard, since they're fundamentally about success, not failure. :-)
And heck yes it takes strength to acknowledge female vulnerability to male violence, voyeurism, and "simple" male takeover of women's athletic opportunities. Someone's got to speak up for women and girls, and that requires and develops strength, all at the same time.
Love this line:
<<The irony is that, given the topic of male physical reality, we are faced with having to explain it as though society wasn't aware of this problem and have literally taken leave of their senses.>>
You're right: "we, as sixty-something elders, have that emotional strength" from years of feminist work. I find it validating and supportive just hearing you say that; I hope others do too.
I found out that showing vulnerability not only makes me stronger but it also helps me be stronger. People love leaders and other people in general who are less then perfect.
Interesting. Good point!
So good to hear you were not seriously hurt Mariah 🙏🏻 Met with Charlie Moody & George McGregor recently & they asked me to pass on all the best to you. They said you all had a good intramural basketball team back in the day 😊
Hi Brad! Cool. Ask Charlie about our public (HS) debate about whether to change the name of the HS varsity athletes' club from Lettermen's Club to Varsity Club. He argued for tradition. (Lettermen's Club.) I argued for the more inclusive word: Varsity. He argued that "men" includes women, according to the dictionary. I said Who cares about the dictionary, Varsity is going to feel more inclusive to us girls. A friendly, respectful debate - I've always liked Charlie - but I lost! "Of course," there were more male athletes, so the votes were stacked. :-) My regards back to my teammates. Sorry to miss our reunion! :-)
I love women’s basketball and track and field. I’m no giraffe but a former competitive runner. In my late 30s I could run 50 miles, bike 100 but was still vulnerable. I’m 5’ 0” and 77 yo. Now I walk and swim, lift weights, a bit of yoga. I have participated in the live strong program for cancer folks at the Y. Being strong got me through divorce, quitting smoking, raising my babies alone, all the times when I was the most vulnerable. I have always worked to stay strong mentally and physically because I know I am vulnerable. And it’s ok to be vulnerable, it’s where my humanity and empathy reside. Being an endurance athlete taught me I can do difficult things.
Hi Betty, I love this story. You're combining the two concepts, rather than seeing them as separate. We need strength b/c we are vulnerable. "And it’s ok to be vulnerable, it’s where my humanity and empathy reside." Lovely! And kudos on creating a lifelong athletic lifestyle despite the lack of support for female athletes for women your/our age.
Thank you! I really like your stack❣️
Thanks, Betty. And I like your comments. :-) Great having you on board.
Okay, Mariah, you had me at “giraffes women” - I truly related to this essay as I feel like I am a strong women with many vulnerabilities (and life keeps showing them to me!). I think our vulnerability makes us, as humans, more understanding and hopefully more compassionate even when that same vulnerability makes me mad. My body continually challenges, even as I replace/repair parts, or add bionics (you’d think I was Wonder Woman with all the bionics and metal). And yet I still walk like a dork even though my physical therapist tells me that is not a technical term - it certainly fits me. As long as I can put one foot in front of the other, I’m good. That’s my compassion for me. Keep on writing and I’ll keep on reading. Hugs to you and K.
Hi Cathy, You always make me smile. Hooray for giraffes and women who resemble them and women for whom they are totems. Yes, "life keeps showing them to me..." indeed - precisely why we ought to start accepting and sharing vulnerabilities now, seems to me. They just keep coming. Glad you've got self-compassion. So much extends outward from there. So glad you're a reader. Hugs back from both of us.
Wow. This post really hit home for me. As I approach my 80th birthday, I have to admit that I am not just aging, but old. Admitting that I'm vulnerable is even harder. Expressing it out loud—harder still. Maybe strength and vulnerability are not antagonists. Maybe it takes strength to admit we are vulnerable.
Hi Judy, yes, I think that's it. Maybe we high achievers can call upon our strengths to address our needs, fears, and yes, vulnerabilities.
Another complication is that we get so much positive reinforcement for defying expectations: "You seem so strong/fit/youthful for your age" - type comments. People are less enthusiastic about requests for help - not that they're not willing to.
Just brainstorming here: maybe we need to celebrate admissions of vulnerability too.
I'll start: Thank you for saying all of this. :-)
And happy early 80th. I think claiming our age, not being coy about it, is another step in the right direction. And claiming the word old. It doesn't mean what it used to mean. But it means something, to each of us. Exactly what, I think, is up to us. Just like women have redefined and are still redefining what it means to be a woman.
I've been loathe to admit any vulnerability with my friends and colleagues unless I can pair it with my triumph and problem solving to such an experience of a vulnerable moment. Per your example I've just begun to admit I have not lived up to my own standards of producing regular stories here on Substack. This has, indeed, created a more relational dimension with my readers.
I feel we must be strong given the topic we have taken on of pointing out that women are vulnerable when faced with playing male athletes and all the other situations my sex-realist groups protest. We must be strong because we are doing this for our own sex, having been abandoned by the larger society refusing to protect our right to free speech in the face of misogynistic men who have discovered a socially sanctioned arena where women can be shouted down and publicly abused and humiliated for speaking up.
The irony is that, given the topic of male physical reality, we are faced with having to explain it as though society wasn't aware of this problem and have literally taken leave of their senses. Just to stand up to such gaslighting demands an emotional strength that we, as sixty-something elders, have in spades just from having lived through enough of such bullying from the before times of second wave feminism, and we still have it in us to fight this fight.
Hi Amanda, Oh yes, I too find it easier to tell tales of vulnerability in the past tense! "Paired with my triumph and problem solving." How insightful. Perhaps those only grant us partial credit on the vulnerability scorecard, since they're fundamentally about success, not failure. :-)
And heck yes it takes strength to acknowledge female vulnerability to male violence, voyeurism, and "simple" male takeover of women's athletic opportunities. Someone's got to speak up for women and girls, and that requires and develops strength, all at the same time.
Love this line:
<<The irony is that, given the topic of male physical reality, we are faced with having to explain it as though society wasn't aware of this problem and have literally taken leave of their senses.>>
You're right: "we, as sixty-something elders, have that emotional strength" from years of feminist work. I find it validating and supportive just hearing you say that; I hope others do too.
Thanks for writing.